is it hot sex or is it love addiction?
Updated: Aug 21, 2018
In today's episode volume two, we are gonna have a conversation about “is it hot sex or is it love addiction?”. In the first volume I shared with you how denial is often the very nature of Love Addiction and that we first have to realize that what we think of Love might in fact be an addiction to love.
Now before we are gonna talk about whether you are having hot sex or whether you are actually facing love addiction, we need to have a bigger conversation. We need to talk about sex and what I mean when I say Hot Sex. Hot Sex is the result of a deeply heart-opening, healthy and loving relationship. I have been studying human interaction, sex and love for many many years and there is a huge difference in what I first learned about sex and what understanding of sex I have today. Personally, I deeply honor sex in the sense that I believe that it can be the most powerful tool when used in the right way, it can heal and it spills over into every other area of your life whether that is your creativity, your parenting, your job, your finances and so on. Because sexual energy is life energy and we thrive when we experience deeply nourishing sex. I am not talking about mindless, physical, porn-magazine, stress-release kind of sex that lasts a couple of minutes and then everyone goes about his business again. No, I talk about deep intimate love-making that is done with presence, with wanting to serve the other partner, wanting to truly see them and really express the love we have for them. A love that is compassionate, mature, self-giving kind of love.
"Denial is often the very nature of Love Addiction... "
Cause many people confuse love with Love Addiction. Often, we think that drama, fantasies, intensity and everlasting passion is love. That a ‘soulmate’ or ‘love at first sight’ kind of love is the ultimate thing. The chemistry and feelings that come with love have us quickly think that we found the one. The neurochemical rush that happens when you meet someone new is nature’s catalyst enabling people to create a deeper connection. I am sure we have all experienced almost obsessive emotional and overly exciting beginnings of new relationships where we focus almost exclusively on the existence of that other person. In this phase we distort reality and change our priorities and daily habits to accommodate the beloved. We also tend to neglect other relationships with friends and family and we often get distracted from other important things that are going on in our life. The lovers crave emotional and physical union with the beloved and we kind of suffer when being apart from the loved one.
This initial behaviour is quite normal, but usually the early rush of romance is a temporary stage. In healthy relationships this stage evolves over time into real intimacy, love, compassion and trust. Love Addicts, however, work hard on extending this surge of brain chemicals using it basically to get high in the same way that drug and alcoholics addicts do.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to have a significant other. The question is from what place inside of our self we love. You can either love from a mature adult you - which is a place of compassion, real intimacy, where you are with someone because you want to serve them. Where you are actively concerned for their life and growth and love & who they are without wanting to change them or demand things from then. It’s not to get something that makes you feel loved and happy and fills up this empty void inside of yourself - as an adult, that is an inside job. In a mature adult relationship, we remain individuals with our own beliefs, values and purpose in life.
A mature relationship shows when we respond to our partner’s needs, when we respect them for who they are and when we are seriously committed to getting to know them again and again and again as we change so much over time. We simply desire to deeply know them. We basically say: „I need you because I love you“. Not very many people are able to love with compassion. Erich Fromm said it so well; A lot of us love from a rather neurotic place. It mostly results from one or in most cases both lovers remaining attached to the figure of a parent. In this case we transfer feelings, expectations and fears we once had toward mother or father to the loved person in our adult life. We have an adult body, but emotionally we are stuck in our childhood.
Is it Love or is it Love Addiction? Find out now! Subscribe to our page and receive Aleah Ava's Love Addiction Mirror right away...
Once you have take the test and you look at the differences between compassionate love and addicted love you will quickly identify where you stand in all of it. If you find yourself saying more yes to the characteristics of addicted love, then you definitely know that this podcast is for you. Remember that most relationships have some codependent or love-addicted dynamics. It is up to you to decide how much it weighs on your life. If you feel like your love life is empowering you, supporting you & leaving you deeply nourished and validated, then you might be able to deal with a couple of unhealthy moments. If however the overall emotions you feel in your intimate relationships are mostly dragging you down, leaving you frustrated or hopeless, weighing rather heavy on your chest or you feel like you never really get what you truly long for, then with all my heart, welcome again to Addicted to Love.
Listen to the podcast right now and subscribe to the show. Please leave a review on ITunes, because one of you every single week will win a personal “love makeover” session with me. We will be talking about anything that is important to you right now when it comes to your love and sex life.
Have a wonderful day!